Posted by Lin Lougheed on April 26, 19101 at 11:49:43:
In Reply to: Topic 1 People attend college or university for posted by Kim Yunsog on April 15, 19101 at 10:05:31:
You were off to a good start with your introductory paragraph. You need to develop your ideas now -- add more detail. Think of three reasons why jobs are important: earning a living, prestige, doing something purposeful, etc. Then each paragraph will explore these reasons.
Most of your essay concerned the difficulty of getting a job. You didn't discuss why it was important.
A few grammar hints:
"economic crisis..."
"Companies need staff with..."
Or "A company needs staff with...
Good luck with your exams.