Comments:
: You have good points and supporting details. You should have one more paragraph that give another reason for why respecting elders is valuable in your culture. Give one more general statement with supporting details. : Some other suggestions: : older people is very important virtue : FOR older people is A very.... : and it exists : and exists : in almost every family because it will help family member tight to each other : it helps bring family members closer to each other : and it also help us to understand the appreciation of the life. : and helps us to understand and appreciate life. : : We often hear such story : ..stories : lonely in her or his apartment, : ...in their apartments : but on one knows it until two or three weeks. : ..no one...three weeks later : taking care of older people, we could know that it is time for us to pay back. : taking care of older people is a way to pay them back. : Our parents bring us grow up and teach : ...raise us and teach.... : We have job and stable income. : We have jobs and stable incomes. : We need pay back our parent, caring them. : ...to pay back our parents by caring for them. : If person who have such appreciation feeling will get along with other people. : If a person has such an appreciation for their elders, he or she will get along with other people. : They will know how to thanks for their colleague, friends, and supurvisor who have ever help them. : ...to thank their colleagues, friends, and supervisors, who have helped them. : If everyone has such feel, the society will be more peaceful. : If everyone would have such feelings, the society would be more peaceful. : responsibility but also the part of our life. : ...but also part of our life.