Posted by Michele Peters on June 16, 19102 at 13:11:05:
In Reply to: Growing up in the countryside is better ? posted by Jack on June 07, 19102 at 01:19:45:
Your essay is well structured and you give good supporting details.
Some comments:
: Although children growing up in the countryside are often generous and honest,
....they often lack opportunities that children growing up in urban areas have.
as a result of today's highly competitive social pattern, to be born and raised in the urban
As....being born and raised in urban areas...
urban and rural area in my country,
...areas...
have much more advantages in their
many more advantages...
One of the apparent example is
One apparent example is... or One of the apparent examples is..
can often make more scores in the
...higher scores on...
believed that children in the urban area has better health due to efficient
..children...have better
Since they were born, proper vaccination program including extra-curricular vaccines such as influenza and hepatitis B vaccine is offered sufficiently.
Ever since they were born, they have had proper vaccinationa, including..
In addition, whenever they are sick their parents can easily bring them to the nearby hospital which has adequate medical equipment.
...their parents could easily bring them to the nearby hospital which has adequate medication equipment whenever they are sick.
prestige institutions are situated in
pretigious
from far provinces have to live in the
far away or further provinces
they have to suffer a lot due to
they suffer from lonliness..
there are still a lot of them discouraged and gloomy.
many cannot and are discouraged and gloomy.
Certainly, those affects their study and eventually their future.
...those feelings affect...
: To sum up, I don't assent (?) to growing up in the countryside which is better than the urban area because they would lack a chance to have better education, proper medical service and be lonely disturbing their education.
...growing up in an urban area is better than growing up in the countryside because children in the countyside lack a better education, proper medical service and are often lonely, which disrupts their education.