Posted by Lin Lougheed on July 25, 19102 at 20:36:43:
In Reply to: No.1 My first TOEFL Essay posted by Ivy on July 22, 19102 at 12:30:35:
Your essay is not at all awful. But you need to rewrite carefully.
The first paragraph has unnecessary words. Obviously some people think one way and others another. Tell us what YOU think and why. Give us a hint. Summarize your three general statements.
Your three paragraphs with the details were well organized but need to be reviewed for grammar errors.
Can any other reader help our friend here?
Here is my first TOEFL essay.I think it's awful.But I am trying,and I believe I will make progress through practice.Hope for your comment and help!
: Parents often face the dilemma that whether they should plan their childrenĄ¯s leisure time carefully or should let the children make the decision themselves. When compare these two options, there are advantage and disadvantage for both. Some people will prefer the first one, while others choose the later. But as it is for me, I will vote for the later one. There are three reasons causing me to make such decision.
: First of all, parents should enjoy themselves besides being good parents. Parents do have the responsibility of bringing up their children. They should make sure their children safe and healthy. And that will be enough. Parents should also have the right to enjoy their leisure time. They do not have to keep eyes on whatever their children doing in their free time.
: Second, through deciding for themselves how to spend their free time children can gain experiences and learn varieties of knowledge. I remember the summer vocation when I was thirteen. My parents were busy then and they had no time to arrange my holiday. I had to find myself something to do or would just kill time away. Could you imagine a shy girl selling newspaper on the streets? That shy girl was I, who was once shy and back-drawn. And I did it! My friend and I got a job of selling newspaper during the summer holiday. When the new semester begun, I bought myself a new bag using the money I earned in the summer. I felt proud for myself for I had planned a meaningful vocation for myself.
: The last reason and maybe the most important one is that give children the freedom to decide for themselves can make them feel responsible for themselves. And responsibility is very important for becoming a standard citizen.
: Though giving children absolute freedom to plan their leisure time may sometimes bring problems. For example, some children may waste time away for their lacking of self-discipline. So parents should give directions to their children on the proper time, but the final decision should lie with children themselves. Concluding all the reasons rendered above, I agree that children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time for it make children grow up to be feeling more responsible for themselves.