Posted by Lin Lougheed on August 24, 19101 at 21:41:23:
In Reply to: Money posted by Bach Hung Nguyen on August 17, 19101 at 02:33:37:
Dear Nguyen,
Would you help me? You and Penka can both offer valuable advice to other writers. Please read their essays and give them some suggestions to improve their writing.
The following sentence could be improved by deleting the words: "a great deal of" and by making "doctor" and "hospital" plural.
"Moreover, to have a lot of money means we are able to afford a great deal of good medicine, good doctor, and good hospital therefore we can live longer."
Try:
"Moreover, having a lot of money means we could afford better medicines, doctors, and hospitals. This means we could live longer."